We have learned about a lot of great topics throughout the semester. A lot of information got packed into just a few short months. This topic of the family is important to my studies because I am a Family Studies major so I should be knowledgeable in this topic. Some of this information I have been taught in other classes, but a lot of the information was new to me. When it comes to theory I feel like we learn it in every single Family Studies class, yet every time we talk about it something new gets brought up pertaining to different theorists, and theories. Some of the major concepts we covered were courtship and dating, cohabitation, transitioning into marriage, marriage quality, marriage sexuality, and extramarital sexuality. I enjoyed those topics pertaining to marriage the most, even though it doesn’t have much to do with what I want to do after graduation.
When it comes to courtship and dating, I found learning about the history of it to be rather fascinating. It’s cool to see how things have progressed over time from it being assumed you’re going to marry someone you are bundling with- to it being ok to sleep in a bed with just about anybody. Bundling is an interesting way of courting because 80% of the brides were pregnant at marriage. With that kind of statistic it would seem obvious that it wasn’t necessarily as innocent as they thought. Parlor dating in the Victorian era is what I am most familiar with, I have learned a little about this in a previous class. It’s a very classy way of dating, but I feel you could never really get to know a person prior to marrying them if you are never able to be alone with them until after the fact. Steady dating is what I remember my parents saying they did. My dad says when he asked my mom out he said , “Will you go steady with me.” These days that is unheard of. In this day and age it’s difficult to even have a guy ask, “will you be my girlfriend.”
Cohabitation is a tricky topic. We’ve been told that premarital cohabitation is a huge factor in telling whether a couple is going to get divorced. But I don’t think there is any probable information showing the causation of such accusations.
The phases of marriage I found to be interesting because each marriage is so different, yet they all follow somewhat of the same pattern. The honeymoon phase is when couples are really optimistic, have low rates of conflict, and have high satisfaction. Yet getting pregnant in the first year isn’t the wisest decision because then you lose that closeness you are building with your significant other. The next phase is Disillusionment where couples are on average a little less happy, less optimistic, and conflict increases. Accommodation is when couples start to get realistic expectations for the relationship, and they start to learn how to communicate best, and resolve conflict.
Next we learned about the different types of marriages. The five different types of marriages are conflict habituated, devitalized, passive congenial, vital, and total. Conflict habituated is when the couple generally fights, pick on each other, don’t resolve their issues, and conflict is how they communicate with each other. It doesn’t sound healthy, but when that is the only thing you know then you can be satisfied with that. Devitalized marriages started off close, but over time lost that intimacy they had at the beginning. Over time they become interested in different things, and end up spending little time together. Passive Congenial marriages are similar to Devitalized marriages except they were never close, and never had those intimate times together. They have always been rather separate of each other. Vital marriages are relationships where the couple share the same interests, enjoy spending time together, and get fulfillment from the relationship. These couples do have conflict, but they find a solution. Lastly, Total Marriages are marriages where the couple is ‘obsessed’ with each other. They cannot do something unless the other person is there right beside them.
Lastly, I’m going to discuss how each of these marriages feel about extramarital affairs. The Conflict Habituated couples saw it as another outlet for hostility. Passive congenial couples are the kind of couple that is the stereotypical affair couple. They get bored with the relationship and look for intimacy outside of the relationship. Devitalized couples are trying to get intimacy back into their lives, but seek it with someone else. Trying to recreate what was once felt, but not with their significant other. Vital marriages didn’t see it as a threat to their marriage, or disloyal.
This information is relative to my personal life because I am in the dating scene. I am not married yet, but I do date and when looking for someone I want to spend the rest of my life with I have to take all of this information into account so I find someone who is going to make me happiest. Professionally I want to work in case work, or in education with adolescents. So, I can somewhat use this information in my career. If they have trouble dating, or something along those lines I will be able to help them. I may come across a teen who did get married young, may have been forced into marriage and I will need to help them to the best of my ability.